Short Story ◎ Psychology

Why We Assume Others' Feelings

Understanding the psychological mechanism behind hastily judging others' emotions and the cognitive biases involved.

  • #mind reading
  • #cognitive bias
  • #projection
  • #assumption

"They definitely hate me."

Kaito declared.

"Why do you think that?" Hiyori asked.

"Because when I talked to them yesterday, they were cold."

Leo asked with interest, "From that alone, you're certain you're hated?"

"Their expression was cold too."

"Interpretation of expressions is subjective," Leo pointed out.

"But it was obvious..."

"Obvious how?" Hiyori gently inquired.

Kaito was at a loss for words. "I just... felt it."

"That's mind reading," Leo explained. "A cognitive distortion where you believe you've read someone's mind without evidence."

"But you can understand people's feelings to some extent, right?"

"Empathy and assumption are different," Hiyori said.

"How are they different?"

"Empathy is a hypothesis: 'They might be feeling this way.' Assumption is certainty: 'They definitely think this.'"

Leo added, "Confirmation bias is also at work."

"Confirmation bias?"

"The tendency to gather only information that supports your hypothesis. Kaito, you have the hypothesis 'I'm hated,' so you focus only on the cold attitude."

"But..."

"You're ignoring when they smiled or talked to you on other days."

Kaito had a realization. "True, they greeted me normally yesterday morning."

"Right. But that information doesn't fit the 'I'm hated' hypothesis, so it was ignored."

Hiyori asked, "Why do you want to believe you're hated so badly?"

"I don't want to..." Kaito started to say, then stopped.

"It might be projection," Leo said quietly.

"Projection?"

"A psychological defense where you project your own feelings onto others. Perhaps, Kaito, you want to avoid them?"

Kaito was surprised. "How did you know?"

"It's paradoxical, but by thinking 'they hate me,' you might be justifying keeping your distance."

Hiyori said gently, "It's hard to admit you dislike someone, isn't it?"

"So you create a reason: 'They hate me,'" Leo supplemented.

Kaito looked dejected. "I'm doing this unconsciously..."

"Everyone does," Hiyori comforted. "What matters is noticing."

"What should I do?"

"First, tell yourself 'This is a hypothesis,'" Leo answered.

"A hypothesis?"

"Not 'They hate me' but 'They might hate me.'"

"That's all?"

"That's crucial. If it's a hypothesis, you can test it. If it's certainty, you won't test it."

Hiyori suggested, "You could ask them directly."

"No way!"

"Why not?"

"What if they really hate me..."

"That fear is also a hypothesis," Leo said. "It's becoming a reason to avoid confirmation."

Kaito sighed. "You really can't understand people's hearts."

"Because we can't understand, we don't assume," Hiyori smiled.

"That's also respect for others," Leo added.

"Respect?"

"Not reading someone's mind without permission. That's respecting them as an independent person."

Kaito nodded slowly. "Assuming 'I'm hated' is ignoring their actual feelings."

"Yes. So observe, form hypotheses, and confirm. That's healthy communication."

Kaito realized his assumptions. Deciding others' feelings meant not really seeing them at all.

"Tomorrow, I'll try talking to them," Kaito resolved.

"Testing your hypothesis," Hiyori encouraged.

"Right. And whatever the result, it's data."

The three left the club room, newly aware of the complexity of human hearts.