Where Does the Desire to Be Understood Come From

"Mio, don't you want to be understood?"

At Haru's question, Mio shook her head.

Ren showed interest. "Why?"

Mio answered briefly. "Not necessary."

"But people want to be understood, don't they?" Haru said.

"Is that a premise?" Ren asked back.

"Huh?"

"The proposition 'people want to be understood.' Is it universal?"

Haru pondered. "I thought everyone felt that way."

"Mio doesn't. So it's not universal."

Mio said quietly. "Understanding is an illusion."

"Illusion?" Haru was surprised.

Ren explained. "Mio believes complete understanding is impossible."

"Why?"

"Because we can't directly access others' inner worlds."

Haru countered. "But we can convey through words."

"Words are imperfect," Mio said.

Ren supplemented. "Language is only an approximation of experience. Complete transcription is impossible."

Haru thought. "Then why does everyone want to be understood?"

"That's the question," Ren said. "Where does the desire to be understood come from?"

Mio answered. "Fear of loneliness."

"Loneliness?"

Ren developed the idea. "Not being understood = isolation. So we seek understanding."

Haru asked. "So the desire to be understood comes from fear?"

"One explanation," Ren acknowledged. "But there are others."

"Others?"

"The need for recognition. Wanting to confirm one's existence."

Haru understood. "By being understood, we feel we exist."

"Sartre said the self is constructed through 'the gaze of others,'" Ren explained.

Mio quietly objected. "But that's abandonment of self."

"Abandonment?"

"A self dependent on others is fragile."

Ren acknowledged. "True. Depending on others' recognition means collapse when they reject you."

Haru asked. "So wanting to be understood is weakness?"

"Whether it's weakness aside," Ren answered carefully. "There are risks."

Mio added. "The self should be constructed from within."

"But," Haru objected. "Can you build a self entirely from within?"

Ren pondered. "Difficult question."

"Why?"

"The very concept of self arises through contrast with others. 'I' exists only because 'you' exists."

Mio acknowledged. "Complete independence may be impossible."

Haru asked. "So the desire to be understood is natural?"

"Natural, but," Ren said. "The degree is the issue."

"Degree?"

"Seeking understanding too much becomes dependence. Too little becomes isolation."

Mio said briefly. "Balance."

Haru thought. "So wanting to be understood moderately is good?"

"Theoretically," Ren answered. "But finding that 'moderate' is difficult."

Mio said quietly. "I don't need to be understood."

"But you're here," Haru pointed out.

"Being here and being understood are different."

Ren supplemented. "Mio seeks co-presence. Not understanding."

"Co-presence?"

"Being in the same space. Depth of understanding doesn't matter."

Haru understood. "That's also a way of relating."

"There are diverse relationships," Ren said. "Those seeking understanding, those not seeking it."

Mio added. "What's important is not imposing."

"Imposing?"

"Not forcing understanding. Not forcing being understood."

Haru nodded deeply. "Free distance."

Ren organized. "The desire to be understood comes from fear of loneliness, need for recognition, thirst for relationship."

"But," Mio continued. "You don't have to follow it."

Haru asked. "So it's okay not to want to be understood?"

"Of course," Ren answered. "That's also a choice."

Mio smiled faintly. "Choice is freedom."

Haru pondered. "I want to be understood."

"Why?"

"Because I want to feel I'm not alone."

Ren nodded. "That's a valid reason."

Mio said quietly. "But even without understanding, you're not alone."

"Huh?"

"Because we're here."

Haru smiled. "Mio's way."

"Yes."

The three fell silent. The desire to be understood differs for each person. What's important is accepting that difference. That, too, was another kind of understanding.