"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
Hiyori apologized again. The third time.
"What are you apologizing for?" Leo asked.
"Um... for borrowing your notebook."
"You already apologized once," Sora pointed out.
"Oh, did I... I'm sorry."
"You apologized again," Leo smiled.
Hiyori realized. "Oh..."
"Notice?" Sora asked.
"I'm apologizing too much."
"Why do you think that is?"
Hiyori pondered. "I feel like... I'm bothering people."
"Bothering? By borrowing a notebook?"
"But I'm taking up your time..."
Leo said gently, "I decided to lend it. It's not your fault."
"But..."
"There's 'but' again," Sora pointed out. "Hiyori, you're expanding the scope of responsibility too much."
"Scope of responsibility?"
"The boundary between your responsibility and others' responsibility."
Sora drew a diagram on the whiteboard.
"This is Hiyori's scope of responsibility, this is Leo's. Whether to lend the notebook is Leo's choice."
"But I asked..."
"Asking is your choice. Responding is Leo's choice. They're separate."
Hiyori was confused. "But when asked, it's hard to refuse."
"That's also an assumption," Leo said. "If I wanted to refuse, I would."
"Really?"
"Really. I'm not as considerate as you think."
Sora supplemented, "Behind excessive apology are certain beliefs."
"Beliefs?"
"One is the core belief: 'I am a burden.'"
Hiyori gasped. "That's..."
"Ring a bell?"
"When I was young, I was often told 'Don't be a bother.'"
"That became internalized as a core belief," Sora explained.
Leo added, "And apology becomes preventive behavior."
"Preventive?"
"By apologizing, you try to prevent others' anger or rejection."
"But being apologized to when I'm not angry feels strange," Sora said honestly.
Hiyori was surprised. "Strange?"
"Apology actually burdens the other person too."
"What do you mean?"
"When apologized to, there's pressure to respond with 'It's okay.'"
Hiyori was shocked. "Was I actually bothering people the opposite way?"
"Rather than bothering, it unbalances the relationship," Leo explained.
"Balance?"
"In equal relationships, people rely on and are relied upon appropriately. But when one apologizes too much, a hierarchy forms."
Sora drew a diagram. "Apologizer = below, Apologized to = above"
"I didn't mean to..." Hiyori started to say.
"We know it's unintentional. But structurally, that's what happens."
Hiyori looked down. "What should I do?"
"First, reconsider your apology standards," Sora answered.
"Standards?"
"Develop the habit of thinking whether you really should apologize."
Leo gave a specific example. "If you step on someone's foot, apologize. But if you borrow a notebook, say 'thank you.'"
"Thank you..." Hiyori repeated.
"Gratitude and apology are different. Don't confuse them."
"I've been using 'I'm sorry' for everything."
"That's a habit that lowers your own value," Sora pointed out.
"My own value?"
"It's important to send yourself the message 'I'm allowed to exist.'"
Hiyori wrote in her notebook: "I'm allowed to exist."
"Yes. Apology sometimes becomes the message 'I'm sorry for existing.'"
Leo said gently, "Hiyori, you're allowed to exist. And you're allowed to rely on others."
"I don't have to feel guilty about relying?"
"You don't. Interdependence is a sign of healthy relationships."
Hiyori took a deep breath. "So from today..."
"From today?" Sora prompted.
"Before apologizing, I'll think, 'Should I really apologize for this?'"
"Good first step."
"And I'll increase 'thank you.'"
"Perfect," Leo smiled.
Hiyori brightened a bit. "Oh, for lending me the notebook today... sorr... I mean, thank you."
"You're welcome," Leo answered.
Sora laughed. "First step, successful."
The three ended the day learning the balance between apology and gratitude.
You don't need to apologize for existing.