Is One's True Feeling Really True?

"Let's talk honestly."

Hearing a friend's words, Haru pondered.

"What are true feelings, anyway?"

Mio sat quietly. As usual, she hardly spoke.

Noa closed her book. "Interesting question."

"True feelings are the opposite of pretense, right?" Haru said.

"I thought so. But do I really know my own true feelings?"

Mio nodded slightly.

Noa asked. "Haru, what are you feeling right now?"

"Um, a bit confused."

"Is that your true feeling?"

"Probably," Haru answered. "But is it really?"

"It's a problem of self-awareness," Noa explained. "We can't fully see our own hearts."

"Can't see?"

"Because of the unconscious. What Freud called the tip of the iceberg."

Mio said in a small voice. "The hidden part might be bigger."

Haru was surprised. "Mio spoke."

Mio smiled faintly.

Noa continued. "What you think is your true feeling might actually be superficial."

"Then what's the real true feeling?"

"It might be unknowable even to oneself."

Haru was confused. "Then how do you speak your true feelings?"

"That's the philosophical dilemma," Noa smiled. "We try to speak true feelings, but don't know what they are."

Mio wrote. "When put into words, it transforms."

"Transforms?" Haru asked.

"Putting feelings into words makes them different from the original sensation," Noa read.

"So true feelings can't be put into words?"

"Not completely," Noa acknowledged. "Language is an imperfect translation of sensation."

Mio added. "But without translation, we can't share."

Haru thought. "Is the distinction between true feelings and pretense also vague?"

"It might be," Noa said. "What you thought was pretense might actually be part of yourself."

"And vice versa?"

"What you thought was your true feeling might actually be a response learned from society."

Mio said quietly. "It's all a gradation."

"Not black and white?" Haru understood.

"Yes. There's no 100% true feeling or 100% pretense," Noa nodded.

Haru wrote in her notebook. "Then what does 'speak your true feelings' mean?"

"Probably trying to be sincere," Noa answered.

"Sincere?"

"Searching for words as close as possible to what you feel. Even if not perfect, making the attempt."

Mio nodded slightly. "There's no perfect true feeling. But we can try to get closer."

Haru asked. "Mio, are you always speaking your true feelings?"

Mio shook her head. "I don't know. But by not speaking, I feel I'm protecting something."

"Protecting?"

"Putting it into words feels like making it a lie."

Noa said quietly. "Silence might also be a kind of sincerity."

Haru thought deeply. "Are true feelings an unreachable ideal?"

"Perhaps," Noa acknowledged. "But there's meaning in moving toward the ideal."

Mio said lastly. "Searching for true feelings is knowing yourself."

Haru looked out the window. "Then I still don't know myself."

"Everyone's like that," Noa smiled. "We search our whole lives."

"Is one's true feeling really true?" Haru murmured. "Maybe there's no answer."

Mio nodded quietly.

The three shared something beyond words. Perhaps that was the closest thing to true feelings.