"Lately, I feel like I'm being chased by my own thoughts."
Ren unusually showed weakness. His normally calm demeanor was replaced with confusion.
"Chased?" Haru asked back.
"My thoughts won't stop. Even when I try to sleep, questions keep bubbling up. It's like thinking is moving on its own."
Haru sat by the window. "Moving on its own? Then who's doing the thinking?"
"...I am, supposedly." Ren stumbled over his answer.
"Really?" Haru quietly questioned again. "Does Ren control thinking? Or does thinking control Ren?"
Ren fell silent.
"Descartes said 'I think, therefore I am,'" Haru continued. "But doesn't that mean the self exists because thinking exists?"
"Thinking comes first, self comes second?"
"Maybe. Though you could also say the 'something' that observes thinking is the self."
Ren pondered. "Metacognition, is that it?"
"Yes. Viewing your own thinking from one level up."
"But isn't that 'one level up' also just thinking?"
Haru laughed. "Infinite regress."
"Thinking that observes thinking that observes thinking that..."
"No matter how high you climb, you can't get outside of thinking."
Ren took a deep breath. "So I'm controlled by thinking?"
"The expression 'controlled' is interesting," Haru pointed out. "It presumes an 'I' that exists separately from thinking."
"Doesn't it?"
"Maybe 'I' and 'thinking' aren't separate things."
Ren was bewildered. "I am thinking itself?"
"More precisely, perhaps the process of thinking creates the phenomenon called 'I.'"
"That's Buddhist."
"Maybe. The concept of 'no-self.' The fixed self is an illusion, and what actually exists is only flow."
Ren started to write something in his notebook, then stopped. "But then who takes responsibility?"
"Sharp point," Haru nodded. "If 'I' is merely a flow of thinking, is responsibility for actions also an illusion?"
"Ethics would collapse."
"That's why, practically speaking, we need to assume 'I' exists."
Ren thought. "We don't know if it exists, but it's more convenient to think it does?"
"Pragmatism. Usefulness over truth."
"But isn't that an escape?"
Haru answered quietly. "It might be escape, or it might be wisdom. Continuing to seek answers to unanswerable questions is also one way to live."
Ren suddenly laughed. "Right now, is this conversation also being driven forward by my thinking on its own?"
"Your thinking and my thinking are interacting."
"Dialogue between thoughts?"
"Yes. The subject called 'us' is actually fluid too."
Ren looked out the window. "So this feeling of being chased by thoughts?"
"Maybe one part of thinking is observing another part."
"A self-referential loop."
"Yes. Like Gödel's incompleteness theorem, a system cannot completely describe itself."
Ren exhaled deeply. "So in the end, there's no answer?"
"Maybe continuing to question is the answer," Haru smiled. "Thinking is both controller and controlled, and also observer."
"That's contradictory."
"Humans are beings who live with contradiction."
For the first time, Ren showed a calm expression. "Trying to stop thinking makes me feel more chased."
"Resistance creates tension."
"So should I surrender to thinking?"
"That's one approach. Meditation takes that kind of approach."
Ren closed his notebook. "Thinking doesn't control me. Because I am thinking."
Haru nodded. "That's Ren's answer for now."
"It might change tomorrow."
"That's fine. Thinking is a flow."
They sat quietly. Thinking continued, but the feeling of being chased was gone.