"If I hadn't expected, I wouldn't have been hurt."
At Haru's words, Ren reacted. "Expectation is the problem?"
"Yeah. Because I expected, I was disappointed."
Noa asked. "But can relationships exist without expectations?"
"Huh?"
"Expectations are the premise of relationships," Ren explained. "Without minimum expectations, relationships don't begin."
Haru pondered. "So expectations are necessary?"
"Necessary, but," Noa said, "the type of expectation matters."
"Type?"
"Rational expectations and irrational expectations."
Ren explained in detail. "Rational expectations are based on the other's ability and character. Irrational expectations are projections of ideals."
Haru asked. "Were my expectations irrational?"
"I don't know. But," Noa said carefully, "if disappointment is large, maybe expectations were too high."
"Why are too-high expectations bad?"
"Because they bind the other," Ren answered.
"Bind?"
"Expectations are implicit demands. They impose roles on others."
Noa added. "And when the other can't meet them, both suffer."
Haru understood. "Expectations become burdens."
"Yes," Ren acknowledged. "But zero expectations are also problematic."
"Why?"
"Because expectations are also expressions of trust."
Noa explained. "'You can do it' as an expectation becomes encouragement."
Haru was confused. "So should I expect? Or not?"
"Neither," Ren answered. "You should have appropriate expectations."
"Appropriate?"
"Realistic and flexible expectations."
Noa supplemented. "Acknowledging the other's limits while believing in possibilities."
Haru asked. "Isn't that difficult?"
"Difficult," Ren admitted. "That's why many relationships end in disappointment."
Noa showed another perspective. "Expectations and dependence are different."
"How different?"
"Expectations are hope. Dependence is need."
Ren gave examples. "'I'd be happy if you came' is expectation. 'I'm in trouble if you don't come' is dependence."
Haru understood. "Dependence burdens the other."
"Yes. And you also lose your own agency."
Noa added. "Dependence makes the other a means."
"Means?"
"Using the other as a tool to dissolve your anxiety."
Haru pondered. "So not expecting is freedom?"
"Not expecting is," Ren answered carefully, "safe but cold."
"Cold?"
"Approaching indifference. Relationships without expectations are thin."
Noa said quietly. "Expectations are proof of caring."
Haru asked. "So how do we balance?"
"Be self-sufficient," Ren answered.
"Self-sufficient?"
"Before expecting from others, consider if you can fulfill it yourself."
Noa supplemented. "And create a state where it's okay if expectations aren't met."
Haru understood. "Expectations are like extras?"
"Good metaphor," Ren acknowledged. "Lucky if met. Basic needs satisfied even if not."
Noa added. "Then expectations become hope, not burden."
Haru asked. "But if the other betrays expectations?"
"Did they betray," Ren asked back, "or were they unable to meet them?"
"Different?"
"Betrayal is intentional. Unable is a matter of capability."
Noa explained. "In most cases, it's the latter. But we conflate them."
Haru thought. "True, there might not have been malice."
"If there's no malice," Ren said, "just adjust expectations."
"Adjust?"
"Revise to more realistic expectations."
Noa made another proposal. "Or make expectations explicit."
"Explicit?"
"Implicit expectations don't get conveyed. Putting them into words reduces misunderstanding."
Haru was convinced. "Communication matters."
"Yes," Ren said. "Expectations are part of dialogue."
Noa asked. "What will you do going forward, Haru?"
"Hold expectations moderately," Haru answered.
"Moderately?"
"Enough not to bind the other. But still show interest."
Ren acknowledged. "Good balance."
Noa added. "And even when disappointed, don't give up."
"Don't give up?"
"Adjust expectations and face them again."
Haru smiled. "Expectations are dynamic."
"Exactly," Ren said. "Fixed expectations become shackles. Flexible expectations become hope."
Noa said quietly. "Expectations of others are the art of relationships."
"Art?"
"No correct answer. But you can devise."
Haru nodded. "Expectations become both hope and shackles."
"Depends on use," Ren summarized.
"And learning that is human relationships."
The three fell silent. Expectations are difficult. But that's the attempt to connect with people. Don't need perfection. Trial and error nurtures relationships.